


All the lies that I deserve

by EscapingReality51



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Angst, Confrontation, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Cheating, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-11
Updated: 2017-05-11
Packaged: 2018-10-30 16:29:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,571
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10880607
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EscapingReality51/pseuds/EscapingReality51
Summary: Paddy finds out about Robert's cheating and has some choice words for him.





	All the lies that I deserve

**Author's Note:**

> Title is from Couldn't Love You More by John Martyn (thanks Claudia <3)

Robert stares at the coffee that has been sitting on the table in front of him for 20 minutes now - he isn’t able to figure out why he can’t make himself drink it, whether it is from that numb feeling that has rested in his stomach for a week now or because everything has just tasted bad since Aaron threw him out. 

Well, not really threw him out, but told him he needed time to think; it is such a cruel phase, a promise of torture without an end,, and what if the end means that Aaron has decided to do the one thing Robert fears the most?

So he has been sleeping in Vic’s spare room. It might even be a good thing, because Vic needs someone right now and maybe Aaron knew that when he told Robert to leave, maybe he knew Robert needed to be there for his sister. Robert shakes his head, knowing the notion is ridiculous - Aaron threw him out because he slept with someone else, not because Vic’s marriage was close to being over. 

He knows he is sulking, he knows he is sitting outside Bob’s in weather just chillier than comfortable in a jacket that doesn’t keep him entirely warm, and he knows that he doesn’t care. Everything has been faded, everything is  _ less _ when Aaron isn’t there.

The angry footsteps he can hear on the gravel is not enough for him to lift his gaze, but the angry shouting of “Robert Sugden, you absolute idiot!” makes him lift his eyes slightly to see Paddy storming down the street, face red with what he assumes is anger and he waits. 

He knew this would come, knew this would happen when word got out of his cheating with  _ her _ and he knows that not one word of what Paddy is going to say to him won’t be true. He doesn’t even really care that Bob is on his way back into the café after serving Emma coffee, or that inevitably more people will know what he did because nothing hurts more than the memory of Aaron’s face when he told him, the anguish and hurt and single tear down his cheek that all together broke Robert’s faith in himself all over again. He has nothing left to lose; and so he waits as Paddy points a finger at him as he comes closer, his open jacket flailing in the wind. 

“You absolute - I knew you weren’t good enough for him, and you do this?!” he starts, standing across from Robert’s chair, his eyes small and his forehead lined. “I knew this would  happen but he didn’t bloody listen, and now you’ve gone and messed it up and hurt my Aaron and I could throttle you.”

“Please, none of that Paddy,” comes Bob’s small voice as he eyes the two of them. “Leave the man to his coffee.” 

“I will not, not when he deserves to know what scum he is, what a muppet he is for doing that to the best thing that has ever happened to him,” Paddy says to Bob before turning once again to face Robert, who still hasn’t moved an inch. His eyes are blurring and his stomach is churning but he doesn’t move, not even when Paddy starts again. “We all gave you the benefit of the doubt, didn’t we? Did you enjoy it, knowing you had outsmarted us all?” 

Robert flinches at those words, letting them cut deeper than they should. The worst thing is, he had outsmarted himself as well, made himself believe he was better but then…

“You don’t deserve him, and I will never stop telling him that. I will yell it from the rooftops but at least he has thrown you out for now… If you ever go near him again I swear to God, I will -” Paddy pauses and clenches his fist at his sides and suddenly Robert knows just how he feels - he wants to hurt him. “I saw you with him, you made him happy, you had just married him you pillock! Was he not enough for you? I thought you would help him get through prison and instead you sleep with someone else while he’s inside?” Robert knows what it sounds like, knows what he did and yet the words hurt, make him realise what he looks like to other people. “I hate you, I always have, and I always will - you’re no good for him, and if he takes you back you will only hurt him again, I just know it. It’s what you do, isn’t it? You burn everything you touch and don’t care who you hurt. I swear to you I will be telling Aaron precisely what I think of you, you low-life smug arrogant -”

“I know!” Robert suddenly yells and he stands up, his fists clenched and his eyes wet. “I don’t deserve him, and I messed up. I hate myself for it, so just please… I won’t go near him, I haven’t seen him in days and I know, ok? I’m a manipulative, self-serving idiot and if I were a better man, I’d leave the village and just… but I can’t!”

Paddy looks at him square in the eyes and Robert sees something in them he didn’t think he’d ever see; pity. 

“You said you loved him and then you treat him like that?” he says, so quietly it is almost a whisper and Robert’s having a hard time holding his gaze. He takes a deep breath and tries to gather whatever his brain is giving him, useless words and promises that he barely wants to utter because what were they worth the last time? His eyes fall to the now cold coffee and he tries to calm himself down, wiping the tears from his cheek.

“Stop it, Paddy,” Aaron’s voice cuts through the fog that clouds his brain and he looks up to see Aaron standing next to Paddy, looking at him with anger in his eyes. 

“He deserves everything coming to him,” Paddy says while he points a finger towards Robert and Aaron takes a step, placing himself between them. 

“He doesn’t,” Aaron says and Robert taking in a shaky breath. 

“He hurt you, Aaron, he cheated on you!” Paddy insists and Robert sees Aaron flinch at the words, sees his shoulders tense. 

“I know, but he doesn’t deserve to be harassed in the street. He’s still my husband, and he deserves anger from me, but not the hatred of the whole village. I messed up too, I lied and I hurt him while I was inside. People should hate me as much as they do him.” 

“Why are you protecting this scum, he’s shown you what he does to people he loves?” Paddy says and Robert almost crumples, almost sits down and breaks but Aaron is here and he is saying things that make Robert think maybe he is already broken. 

“I love him, Paddy, and he’s still my husband. You don’t have a leg to stand on here, so just do one and stop causing more pain, yeah?” Aaron says dismissively and the words make Paddy’s face fall.

“I’m only trying to do what’s best for you, he’s hurt you too many times…” 

“I’ve hurt him, too, no one makes a fuss about that. He slept with her once, you cheated on Rhona for months…”

“That was completely different!”

“It was worse! Just… leave him be, yeah?” Aaron pleads and Paddy takes a deep breath as he nods before he turns around and leaves. Robert’s breath falters; they haven’t been alone since  _ that _ day, he has only seen him from afar and kept his distance and seeing him so close makes Robert’s heart ache in his chest. 

Aaron doesn’t turn around, not even when Robert speaks.

“Why did you -” he begins and Aaron cuts him off with a hand gesture. 

“Because you don’t deserve it, Robert. You messed up, but so did I… I hate what you did but that doesn’t mean I hate you.” 

Robert sighs and shuffles his feet. He doesn’t know what to say but he also doesn’t want to leave, doesn’t want to go when Aaron is finally talking to him, finally  _ here _ . 

“I heard what you said… I heard you say all those things,” Aaron says, and then he turns around and Robert wants to drink in every feature, every beautiful line of his face. His eyes look tired and his beard is slightly longer than he usually keeps it, but it doesn’t change the way Robert’s chest expands at the sight of him. “Don’t leave,” he says, his eyes fixed on Robert’s. “I was coming to find you and I want to get through this… I am angry but I still love you,” Aaron’s eyes are wet and he swallows hard.

“I’m so sorry, Aaron, I -” Robert begins but Aaron interrupts him. 

“I know… so am I.” He bites his lip and Robert wants to wrap his arms around him and tell him he’s never letting go but he knows he can’t. Instead he nods and pays for his coffee, and as he is about to leave he feels Aaron’s hand on his arm. 

“Come by tomorrow… and we can talk?” Aaron says, his voice small and his chin quivering. 

“I’ll be there,” Robert says and walks off, feeling more whole than he has in months. 

**Author's Note:**

> I needed to write angst to this is what happened! Leave kudos and comments :)
> 
> Find me on tumblr: escapingreality51


End file.
